Saturday 7 December 2013

TWENTY THREE TRUTHS IN TWO DECADES PLUS THREE YEARS

In my one score and three years, these are twenty three things that I have seen to be true and I’d love to share.

God is real and He does heal broken hearts if all the pieces are given to Him.

A mother’s love can transcend the grave.

The psalm 23 prayer is no joke; God will indeed serve you a six-course meal in the presence of your enemies and you’ll only have to let them watch you eat.

Watch your thoughts and your words; they truly have an impact on your person.

Timidity really is a spirit and it can stop you from living. A friend said and I agree, “timidity is deadlier than you think”

I used to wonder why Nehemiah 8:10 didn't read “the strength of the lord is your joy” but now, I know that “the joy of the lord is truly our strength”

Being alone doesn’t necessarily mean you’re lonely and not all first relationships will lead to the altar.

And yes, true love can come more than once – don’t be scared to love again.

Being generous with who you are and what you have never drains you.

Life is short, make sadness shorter!

The heart has reasons that reason cannot know – not everything can be explained.

You will make decisions that even you may not understand, why bother about making others understand?

Bitterness is as toxic as… what’s the most toxic thing again? Please, let all bitterness go.

Your beginning never dictates your end, that you were born a certain way doesn’t mean you should stay that way.

We will learn a lot from friends who are older than we are, just as much as children can teach us how to be Christ-like.

There will be people who will forever be reference points for you, strive to be a reference point to someone too – invest in people.

Who you are at 19 shouldn’t be who you are at 23. If it is, something is definitely wrong – you really should be better.

You can never accurately tell God’s ways, just trust Him painstakingly because He is good all the time.

Changes will occur that may want to throw you off balance. Even if it does, do realize that change is constant – this change will probably be changed too.

If you don’t have a life, you don’t need a life partner – get a life of your own.

Some of the best relationships you’d ever have are those you never saw coming.

Never regret giving someone the benefit of doubt or telling someone how affectionately you feel about them.


For your own good and peace of mind, you may have to flow against the tide sometimes and this will help you bloom.

Friday 6 December 2013

LETTER TO MY FUTURE SELF

When I was a brand spanking new teenager, age thirteen, I thought I had it all figured out. I would receive my first car at age eighteen and be married by twenty-one. Half true. At age twenty, I thought I would surely major in pharmacy, own a pharmacy store at age twenty-one, and be planning a wedding at age twenty-two. All wrong. After leaving the Junior Secondary School, my mother died and closet worrying set in. Moving away from home and enduring the shock of the loss, I still thought I had it all figured out.

As I begin a quick decent in a career, I am learning that I will hardly ever have it all figured out and that things change, which is perfectly okay. When you are eight or thirteen, twenty-one seems like a grown-up age. But I am currently twenty two and still do not feel as grown-up as I expected myself to be. 

As I begin a new year in life tomorrow, it is with great anticipation that I seek to refresh my thought process of having my act together. Here I sit today, my last day as a twenty-two year old as a French educator, not a pharmacist. Isn't it funny how life changes with time? Moi? Teaching? I didn’t I could do it!

It seems as though with age, time, and change we transition into the mindset of "yeah, I have it all together" then to the point of "I should've had it all together by now" but what is the deal here? Why do others seem to know what is going on all the time and I seem lost? Honestly, I am not sure if I will ever know what is best for all situations in life. I am not sure that I will always learn something new or attempt something new. I do know that I am perfectly okay with making mistakes and learning from those mistakes.

As I humbly welcome year twenty-three, I am blessed to understand age is age and life is life. Instead of conforming to the mold of age expectations our society places on young adults, I have begun to embrace the trials and triumphs of each day, prepared or not.

When considering the implications of age, I am learning that number truly does not matter. Instead of being controlled by age and what I thought I should have accomplished at a certain time in my life I have instead begun to consider my blessings thus far. I have begun to consider that, like many others, it is perfectly okay to not have it all together because independence sometimes makes us shy away from dependence upon Christ. Life lessons and doing things at different ages are what make us unique. Straying from the mould of age is what allows us to not conform, rather create our standards and personal stories.

A few months back, I wrote a letter to my sixteen year old self. Looking back, there is always a lot to learn from the past. As I approach the future I thought it would be fun to write a letter to my future self in hopes of holding myself accountable for what may come and go, while being reminded at all costs that it is totally okay if things take a different course. It is just important to also have that reminder to keep moving forward, too.

Dear Oyiwodu,
I hope life and time have been kind to you and that you are well. As you journey through the next few years of life and love you will more than likely eventually become a professional career woman, a Ph.D student, wife and mother as the Lord sees fit. As time passes and seasons change, life will change also. Remember who you are, where you started and where you are headed. I hope that you forever still feel as fit as you are today.

Be strong in the Lord. It is with great joy that you have been saved by Jesus Christ.  His blood has washed all your sins away. Take time to pray. Continue to wake up each day thankful to live life with more than enough. Seek to remain dead to the flesh. Never stop listening for the call of the Lord and pursue life as a Christian, wife, mother, sister, and daughter in such a way that others see Jesus in you. May you always do the work of the Lord. Your Christian faith is, and always will be, about Jesus and not merely only works or only faith.

While others may see you at your best, it is at your worst that Christ sees your best because you run to Him instead of from Him. Whatever you may profit as the years pass by, consider it all loss for the sake of Jesus Christ.

Love sanctifies those in weakness when they need it most. As Jesus shows selflessness and compassion, seek to always fiercely love and care for your husband with the same affection. Honor him continuously. Serve him covered in grace and mercy. Always see him at his best, encourage him at his worst, and never pull him apart when you are the one he needs most. Never stop communicating, dating, or sharing the most intimate depths of your heart with him. For he is the one who will lead you until the day of Christ's return. Follow and serve in his leadership, submit to him. Love like the warmth of the sunshine, for that warm will always remain in your heart even as the rain falls.

Never take your friends or family for granted. Remember those who have accepted, loved, and encouraged you at your worst, for those will be the ones you can still call on. Engage and pursue the heart of others. Seek to never live life vicariously through another. Strive for joy in the moment. Shy away from things of this world with materialistic value. Unplug and really communicate with others. Seek the beauty in simplicity. Live life in the present instead of stressing through each step along the way. Find balance in the pain and joy in the mundane. Continue to always be in bloom no matter where you may go. Hold yourself accountable for your actions, words, and thoughts. Do not judge without walking a mile in another's shoes. Live without fear of tomorrow or regrets from yesterday. Accept yourself as you change and grow spiritually, physically, and emotionally. Forgive and forget, but do not forget why you are here. Love life and those the Lord places in your path as if each day is breathtakingly beautiful.

Although your experiences have been such a teaching tool for sharing and journaling life, love and faith, continue to use them as a platform for Him as time and change allows. Seek to share life, love and faith in a manner for growth and encouragement. Use your words in light of what the Lord can do through a nobody like yourself. As you transition into each day to live life, never lose hope. Attempt to impact a life, love a stranger, and have faith embedded in the small lessons of each day's devotions. Teach your little sisters with passion, strength, and heart. Light the fire and fill the pail of every mind that will walk by your side.

You were created to do great things. God's got his hands on you and has molded your path just for His master plan. Be present in every moment. For what happens while you are working and waiting is more important than what you are working and waiting for. Be thankful for each and every single moment, for you do not know when the Lord will call you home.


Bloom,
Your twenty three year old self.

Tuesday 26 November 2013

PRAYER FOR BOLDNESS

Maybe it’s just me, but I think there is a fine line between confidence and arrogance or humility and insecurity. So, for a while now, I’ve been trying to decipher how to live confidently – not in arrogance or insecurities, but in complete trust and assurance that I am capable, intelligent, loved and above all, perfect in every way.

I can’t say I’ve come far though, since even writing those words made me feel all sorts of awkward and insecure. It’s in times like these that I turn to God and His word, and as always, He responds with His wise advice. So here’s what God has been teaching me lately about confidence (I’m sure it’s just the tip of the iceberg!).

The first thing God has taught me about finding confidence is that I’ve been looking for it in all the wrong places. For the longest time, I thought confidence was about me – if only I could see how awesome I am, then I would be confident. So I thought more about how awesome I am and I tried to fake it (as they say, fake it until you make it!), but that didn’t work so well, because my complex was stronger than the voice of reason.

On the other end of the spectrum, confidence can also easily bloat into excess pride and arrogance – and we’ve all known one of those people who walk around like they’re the best thing since sliced bread.
So, if confidence so easily slips up into arrogance or down into securities, how was I ever going to learn and accept it? …in whom we have boldness and access with confidence through faith in Him. -Ephesians 3:12. That is where true, unshakeable, powerful confidence lies – in our Lord. This confidence doesn’t fall victim to insecurities, because with Him all things are possible, even if heaven and earth should disappear, He remains. And this kind of confidence doesn’t grow into pride, because a woman whose confidence lies in God knows she is nothing without Him, that everything in her life is because of Him and Him alone.

Now when they saw the boldness of Peter and John, and perceived that they were uneducated and untrained men, they marveled. And realized that they had been with Jesus. -Acts 4:13. I love, so love this verse! The apostles walked in boldness and people noticed. Here were a couple of fishermen – with no social standing, wealth or education - performing acts beyond their abilities or society’s expectations – healing, teaching, advocating and leading hundreds of people. Even the unbelievers, when they saw this boldness, didn’t attribute it to Peter and John! No, they automatically concluded that their confidence and ability could only have come from Jesus.

I want that confidence to shine through me. I want people to look at me and my life and see Jesus – not how smart, pretty or successful I may be. I don’t want to have a confident stride or a “Look at me and everything I can do” attitude. I don’t even want to say that “I can do it” with an air of pride. I’ve tried that kind of confidence and it’s failed me over and over again.

So, I’m going to seek a different confidence – one that is entirely out of my hands, but within the hands of the greatest power there is.
Now, Lord, look on their threats, and grant to Your servants that with all boldness they may speak Your word by stretching out Your hand to heal, and that signs and wonders may be done through the name of Your holy Servant Jesus. -Acts 4:29-30.

He alone is my strength, my life and the reason for my entire existence. Everything I do, I do because of His grace – all my accomplishments, actions, words, and dreams are. I can’t do anything on my own, but I can do everything through Him.

And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him. -Colossians 3:17
So, now when I think of confidence, I don’t think “Look at me!”, instead I think “Look at Him!” as I bow down to the ground in complete trust and humility. I start every day, praying for boldness and courage to testify His name, to smile and love more, to be able and capable of all that’s required of me and be His shining light in a dark and lost world. So now, when that timid girl speaks up with her inferiority complex, I can dismiss her with a smile – because yes, I’m not the smartest, prettiest, cleverest or most accomplished person, but that doesn’t matter, because He is powerful and almighty and I am all that in and through Him.


What does confidence mean to you? Where do you find your boldness? Any tips on how to confidently bloom?

Monday 25 November 2013

PERSON OF SUBSTANCE OR PRETENSE?

Do you value style more than substance? Are you just loud and no melody? Most of us these days have devoted our time, energy and money in showing off. Our lives revolve on being who we are not. We become so absorbed trying to live the lifestyle to which we do not belong. We love to be seen even though there is nothing to see. We love to be shocking to get attention. We are like colourful balloons, looking pretty on the outside but all air in the inside.

We seem to have everything except ourselves. In our pretending, we have forgotten who we really are. We have come to be ashamed of our past life, friends and mostly our past selves. We will desperately protect our status quo even if our actual status is not A-okay.

As pretenders, we cannot escape ourselves in the end. Our shallow ways of life will soon evaporate. And then, we will only be left with ourselves, our real selves. We will have to look at the man in the mirror whom we hate and deny.
On the contrary, a person of substance is a person who does not pretend. He knows who he is, no more no less. He is joyful of his strengths and aware of his weakness. He tries to improve himself, but he does it based on reality. He does not change his “acting”, but he changes his being. The more he changes himself for the better, the more people respect him. He does not need to pretend to be someone who is not because he knows it is useless.

A person of substance does not try to win the approval of others. But others try to win his approval. He does not have the desire to shock and awe others. He knows that silent waters run deep.
Stop pretending.
Be yourself.

Be your better self and you will bloom.

Thursday 21 November 2013

MOTIVATION IN DIFFERENT FORMS

If you’re like me, when I’m stuck in a rut or just need a pep talk, I go down memory lane to recall words of friends that would help or I surf the net for some motivation and the latter always seems a little counter-productive. Makes me realize that we all need to find our own motivation. That means getting away from our computer (unless you are reading my blog…then by all means, carry on. Lol!). Most motivational posters and quotes are contradictory these days anyways. Take a look at these examples for instance:

“Good things come to those who work”
Vs
“Good things come to those who wait”.
“Anything your heart desires will come to you”
Vs
“Stop wishing and start doing”.
“Life always offers you a second chance, it’s called tomorrow”
Vs
“The future is created by what you do today, not tomorrow”.
“Don’t be afraid to change, you may lose something good but you may gain something better”
Vs
“You are perfect exactly as you are, with all your flaws and problems, you don’t need to change anything. All you need to change is the thought that you have to change”.


See, ain’t that conflicting? These are just a few examples. The point is, for every motivational quote there is equally an opposite and contradicting motivational quote it seems like. We have to find out how to motivate ourselves with our own advice. We are the best indicators of what works for us and what doesn’t. Go bloom!

Tuesday 19 November 2013

STUCK IN THE PAST OR ANXIOUS ABOUT THE FUTURE?

Are you living in the past, present or future?

Many of us are burdened, if not caught up with our past. More than the consequences of our past actions, we let the memory of the past drag us down. We like to hit the rewind button in our memory and lick the wounds of long ago. We open up one painful memory and then a sudden flood of other unpleasant memories comes rushing in. And downward spiral we go.

We spend most of our time entertaining bitterness, pains and disappointments of yesterday. We even spend countless hours just imagining the day we will get our vindication or even vengeance from past hurts. As we waste our time dwelling in our past, our present is wasted as well. And the sad thing is that our today is our tomorrow’s yesterday. Wasting the present now is just adding up to our wasted past. And the vicious cycle continues.

Many of us are also so anxious about our future. While our bodies reside in the present moment, our mind has time traveled years from now. We spend much time being worried and gloomy to things that have not happened yet, we are so absorbed in the “What Ifs”

Our present also affects our future very much, our actions today will greatly affect our future, good or bad. To waste our time today being anxious about tomorrow is to waste the opportunity to improve our tomorrow.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Mt 6:34.

To live life is to live in the present moment. The past is dead and the future is yet unborn. The key to healing the past and having a hopeful future lies to what we will decide to do now. Now is the only thing we’ve really got. If we waste the present moment dwelling in the past or being anxious about the future, we end up loosing everything.

The past belongs to God’s mercy, the future to His Providence and the present to His Love. To live in the present moment is to accept and experience God’s love here and now.


Today is your tomorrow’s past. The way you live today will make your tomorrow better or bitter. Today is where you are. Choose to bloom!

Monday 18 November 2013

JOY IS WHERE YOU LEAST EXPECT IT

We live in a world where more is merrier and big is better. We believe happiness is all about the glimmer and the glamour, the excitement and the thrills, people seem to jump from one sensation to the next in search of joy. From shopping to clubbing, parties and vacations, we seem to never get enough of them. But are we happy with what we have? Have our activities brought us joy or just plain fatigue?

The problem of looking for joy in these things is, like getting drunk, the feelings are all gone the next day we wake up. And like a drunk, we start to go again in a spree. And the futile cycle goes on and on. We all know that worldly things can never give us lasting happiness, but we still want to prove it ourselves and so we waste our time and in the end, we waste our lives.

So where can we find joy? It starts with a “J” and ends in “Us”. We find joy in Jesus. Jesus is our joy, in this life and the next. Jesus too is our guide in finding joy. His life is a map to finding real and everlasting happiness.

Together with the Resurrection, Christmas is the most joyful event in history. It is when Divine Joy became flesh and dwelt among us. He did not enter the world in wealth, power and privilege. He entered poorly and humbly. The shepherd and the wise men did not find joy in the castle of Herod, but in a cave out of nowhere. They did not saw Joy wrapped in gold but in swaddling clothes. Joy is found where you least expect it.

Real joy does not come from stuff-ing yourself, nor going from one high to the next. You could have traveled around the world and only have fatigue to show. Real joy is much simpler, much closer. It is close as your neighbor. Joy is found where you least expect it.

Joy is found in doing the simplest act of love. Joy is to feed a hungry child, to visit the old and abandoned or to comfort the sick. The most joyful people I know are those who have chosen to dedicate their lives to the forgotten and powerless. Their lives do not revolve in satisfying themselves but in bringing joy to those they serve. And amidst all the poverty and suffering they deal with everyday, they have found joy - it is a joy that the world cannot give. Joy is found where you least expect it.

Joy is found not when you “take them all” but when you “give them all”.  The more you grab joy for yourself, the more you lose it, the more you give it away, the more it comes to you.

The paradox of personal happiness is that it can only happen when you forget yourself in love. It is in loving Jesus first, Others second and Yourself last, that you will find joy. There is no joy outside of love. And real love is always joyful. God (who is Love) created us for love. Love is the air we breathe. And love is not selfish.

If you want to find personal happiness, then don’t make it personal. Be a person for all, then, true happiness, real joy will happen behind your back.

Find joy in love and love with joy. Find joy in Jesus and in yourself, only then can you joyfully bloom.

Thursday 14 November 2013

THE MAN I GREW TO HATE

As someone who is used to having it all figured out and all put together, my psyche has taken a turn for the interesting, though challenging lately. My usual unquestioning mind is struggling with the things I know of God and the way in which they do or do not appear to be playing out in my life. This has turned into a full throttle wrestling match with Him and something about it has opened a new form of honesty in me and though I don’t understand it all yet, it feels beautiful and refreshing. 

He's allowing for me to push and in return, He’s pushing back. It's lit a fire under my, lukewarmness and birthed a new hunger in my soul to experience Him. God's voice is on a screaming volume when I've only ever heard a whisper. He's demanding my attention and I've acquiesced, with ears wide open and heart flexible and pliable.


For as long as I can recall, I've managed an intimate and serious relationship with morality. He's abusive in all ways -emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually, too. While he has been affectionately embraced by teachers, relatives, and peers, it had a much worse sister in the classroom and on the road. Timidity was worse through the project way she manifests her hunky self as humility. In fact, morality and timidity grew into an all-consuming man who managed a chokehold around every single part of my life.


Though she started in school, timidity managed to escape academia and attack life in general. Timidity pointed out my inflexibility, my lack of boldness, my love handles, my size 10 plus-sized body, my ever-pimpled face... He then took a turn on my writing, my singing and finally, my human relationships. Never the good enough, loyal enough, devoted enough friend, I deemed myself unworthy.


My heart burns with desire to be the perfect daughter, true friend, loving sister, supportive wife, proactive employee, courageous teammate... The list could go for miles. Not only do I wish boldness in the present, but I've gone retroactive on myself -spending hours running through memories past and hating many words, actions, thoughts, and motives.
After exhausting myself, I got a wakeup call. (Gasp, can you believe it?). I am allowed to be imperfect because of He is perfect. In His perfection, there is grace in which I can rest and appreciate. He hasn’t given me a spirit of fear.

Over the last year, He has grasped my broken self and pointed out how each of the little pieces -though fractured- are glorifying to Him because in my weakness He is strong. (2 Corinthians 12:9)

We are broken, flawed and imperfect. He is perfect, proficient and restorative. Though the list of wrongdoings may resonate hauntingly in our minds, we’re the only ones beating ourselves up for the said ill moments. We, the wrongdoers, are the only one stewing, hurting, hating our wrongs. Yet, the God who has every reason to condemn us as a result of our lies, deceit, jealousy, gossip, hate and anger won't.

But why God? Why so much mercy and grace? Because our sin, mistakes, and shortcomings are between us and Christ. Like when an adulterous woman is brought before Christ to be stoned, he says:
"If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." (John 8:7)

Christ, the only man free of the bondage of sin, can throw the first stone. His perfection not only allows for condemnation, but, more importantly, provides for complete forgiveness. He provides mercy where we deserve condemnation, pain, and sadness. We need to forgive ourselves for our lengthy list of transgressions.

We can hardly forgive my imperfections, we need love and He's got that for me.

Inherent in imperfection is doing things the wrong way, slipping up, getting a scuff when we fall. But, those imperfections need to make us better, not make us hate who we are. It's time to let go, love you and bloom.

Wednesday 13 November 2013

LOVE AIN'T BLIND OR IS IT?

One of the most common sayings about love is “love is blind.” It has been used and abused. And most of the time, those who say it are clueless of what they are saying.

Let us use some biblical logic in this statement. If “love is blind” and “God is love”, we are therefore, God is blind. Does this make any sense? To say love is blind is to say that God is blind and that is just non-sense. God has vision. God’s vision is so clear that it sees everything. Therefore, love has vision as well. Love sees more not less, just like God does. 

Most of the time when we say “love is blind”, what we are actually mean is “lust is blind” or “selfishness is blind.” Yes, our selfishness and lust blinds us. A selfish and lustful person only sees himself. The person of his obsession is just an “object” for personal gratification. Yes, lust is blind. Imagine a man walking around and looking at a mirror at the same time. He does not see his surroundings, only himself. To lose sight of everything except yourself is blindness indeed.

Love is not blind, it sees with great clarity. It sees beyond what the normal eyes sees. Love sees the worst in us and does not ignore it, but forgives it. Love sees what we could be, like God does. Love sees the butterfly in the caterpillar. It is the reason that we are all beautiful in the sight of God. God exist in eternity, where everything is present, no past or future. While we only see the caterpillar that we are now, God already sees the butterfly that we shall be. 

Most of what we consider love is just plain selfishness. We think we are” in love” when we are actually “in lust” to use the other person to gratify ourselves. And after we get messed up, we shall excuse our bad decision by saying “love is blind.”


Stop saying “love is blind”, love’s vision is as clear as the day. So, love with clarity, love with your eyes, mind and heart fully open, love and bloom.

Tuesday 12 November 2013

TOO NICE?

There is a fine line between being nice, and being too nice. Here are a list of things that tend to happen when you cross the line to step into the too nice realm.

You apologize for things that aren’t your fault. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said “sorry” to someone who has stepped on me just because they weren’t paying attention while they were walking. Saying sorry is a way of admitting you did something wrong. I will never forget one of my professors in the university who lectured us on the matter. He explained that you shouldn’t ever apologize for things that are beyond your control.

You make yourself look guilty and that resonates with the person you are apologizing too. Chances are, if you are an apologizing addict, then you’ve been called out on it before. Let me guess, you’ve apologized for apologizing too.

You work way too much. I get it, some people are workaholics. They burn themselves out at work: volunteering for extra shifts, covering for other people, taking on way too many tasks, etc. The problem is that they load so much on to that little plate of theirs, that they can’t keep up. Next thing you know they’re pulling an all-nighter with 18 cups of coffee. Please, you know better than that, that much coffee is bad!

You have stalkers. You have this “too nice” aura about you. Everybody wants to talk to you, particularly the creepy weird people. It would be rude not to talk back, right? Next thing you know is a secret you would never wish to stumble upon.

Your trust-o-meter is broken. You trust every Tom, Dick and Harry. "Hmmm, today I think I’ll leave my house unlocked. My purse is sitting in the driver’s seat with thousand naira notes sticking out of it. But that’s okay… No one will steal it.

Your new shirt bears a striking resemblance to a doormat. Let’s face it, people walk all over you. They know you will do whatever they ask you to do, so they take full advantage of that.

You never ask for help. Sure, people can ask you for favours all the time. But when it comes to you asking for a favour in return? Forget about it! You think you can handle everything on your own, and then you end up a big stress ball.

Making a decision is by far one of the hardest tasks. Where do you want to eat? I don’t care.. where do you want to eat? I asked you first! My god, try having this conversation with two indecisive people. You’re too nice so you don’t want to pick something that the other person might not like. You will probably eat something you hate if they suggest it, because you don’t want to feel bad for telling them you don’t like it.

You might as well change your name to Dr. Phil. There is no better listener out there than you. You can listen to people bitch about their lives all day. At the same time, you feel bad when you complain about anything. You don’t want to burden others with your problems, so you keep them to yourself.

You are awkward with compliments. God forbid somebody tells you that you look nice or they like your outfit. You don’t want to deny it, because you know how annoying it is when you have to consistently reinforce a compliment you give to someone else. You don’t want to say thanks because then you’re accepting what they are saying, and that would be vain.

Forget about getting someone to like you. Generally speaking, people are attracted to nice people.  Better be too nice rather than be too harsh but at the same time, nice folks have to figure out when they are being too nice. You aren’t a doormat and you shouldn’t let yourself be treated like one. Sometimes you have to act "un-nicely" to bloom.

GETTING OVER A HEART BREAK

First, breathe. I know it sounds dumb, childish even - but just breathe. Whenever you remember him/her, remember also to breathe. The pain is like a constant throb, right? It’s there even when you allow yourself to forget it. So should your breath too. It’s what will keep you going even when the pain of his/her memory makes you want to die. You have to keep going ‘cos you can.
Do not be afraid. The state of your life, the health of your mind and the condition of your heart are all in a flux. Change is scary, yes. Do not be afraid of being afraid. Do not be afraid of your emotions. Do not be afraid of the words that slip off of your tongue faster than you can censor your brain. Do not be afraid of yourself. Not knowing what to do is a part of the processes when you’re recovering from heartbreak. Do not be afraid of feeling lost. You will find your way when you are ready to.
Next, accept reality. The hardest part of moving on is letting go, and almost as difficult is accepting that you have to. You can only do this when you have stopped being afraid. You must accept that that chapter of your life has ended; you must accept that it is okay to not want it to end, but you must also accept that it has ended regardless of your wishes. You must accept also that some things are bigger than we are and just because they are real doesn’t mean they’re fair. You must also accept that as this chapter ends, a new one begins. It may be better than the last one or it may be worse. Life gives no guarantees that it will be either, just that it will be. You must accept that this is the case, and it will cease to matter how the comparison stacks up.
Let it go. His/her smile is not contained in the lips of every guy/girl you see. Her laugh is not a force of nature, and her voice is not carried in the wind. S/he is neither there nor everywhere, and you must acknowledge this to let him/her go. If s/he is everywhere you look, it is only because you force yourself to see him/her there. S/he is not there. Instead, other people are. Other people are waiting for you to smile back. Nature is waiting for you to recognize his/her beauty as her own, not as that of one  who broke your heart. The wind is waiting to guide you home with warm whispers all its own. When you embrace that s/he is no longer your whole world, the world itself will become much easier to cope with. It isn’t all bad. Remember that.
Rest assured that you are okay. Every day that you live to survive with a broken heart is a miracle and strength can be drawn even from your brokenness. It is with that strength that you must embrace the fact that you are okay, you have been from the moment your heart broke because it kept beating, you kept breathing and you’re still here. You are already okay. It may not feel like it, and that is completely reasonable. It is okay to feel broken. You have that right, because you are broken - but you are not beyond repair, and that makes all the difference. The repair comes when you begin to feel okay, when you realize that you were okay all along. You are going to be just fine, even if you don’t know it yet.
We are our failures and our triumphs, our weaknesses and our strengths. We are our passions and we are the things we hate. We are broken and we are magnificent. We are our bruised-but-beating hearts that we wear on our sleeves. We are more than the sum of our parts.
Do not let heartbreak define you. This will not be the end of you. How do you get over someone who broke your heart? You just do. And you will. And you will be more than okay. You will be wonderful plus, you gotta bloom.

P.S. - I tell you, when people walk away, fall in love with the tips of their hair waving goodbye, and you might not be so crushed by their leaving. And if you are crushed, remember that the world is filled with everything and nothing, that there is so much empty space in all of your atoms. Remember that there is air in the sky, and a hole in the ozone layer, and remember the clouds that move in peculiar ways across the sky - they’re always changing. Remember the joy in breathing and remember the calm in walking up the road on a Saturday morning. Remember rolling downs the windows and throwing words down the highway like so many breadcrumbs. Remember all the times you got to be the one leaving, and accept that sometimes you just have to be the one who is left behind. This is as much a reminder to yourself as much as anything - you are allowed to love anyone, everything. You are allowed to love not a single thing in the world. You are allowed to change your mind. It is nothing to be scared or ashamed of, it merely is. The world will still be here whether you love it or hate it, whether you live or die. It goes on, and it does not care. There may be a day when no one loves you, but it’s not today, I promise.

Friday 8 November 2013

THOUGHTS

Loving that I have talked to my brother (from another mother)on the phone for the past days. I miss the fun we had together when we were in the same location. Who woulda thought we’d become so close?! My heart always skips a beat just at the thought of him and I love him!

Planning my next DIY project. Got great ideas already.

Studying how to love like Jesus loves. Learning is easy, applying what I have learned is the challenge.

Hoping for Christmas vacation to come soon because I really miss my extended family, grandma especially.

Wanting to have some beans and bread but it makes me feel so heavy. I want to eat clean but it’s tough. I am craving “golden morn” and peanuts like nobody’s business - but I can't have them, at least not together.

Shopping for shoes, I rarely find those that fit. I’m so excited to have found a shop for the plus-sized.

Learning that what we do while we are waiting counts.

Writing all my thoughts down in a journal. Better than denying them, right?

Expecting to get back to school and for the busyness of this season to fade away - I am feeling slightly worn, like I am in need of a sabbatical.

Praying for a deeper relationship with God.

Preparing to start a small group. I am nervous yet excited, all at the same time.

Desiring more time with the people I love.

Drinking coffee without sugar, it could be so much better if it were sweet.

Wearing my wonderful tailor-made dress. Don't give me the side eye, sis, this one is chic and free-flowing. Lol!


Your Turn: What are you currently up to? Any awesome plans you’d like to share? Let’s bloom!

Thursday 7 November 2013

FRIEND OR FOE?

Moi – “Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?”
Mirror – “Not you, never you. Never, ever you”.

My mirror has spoken so loud for the longest part of my life. And my mirror, it has lied to me forr the longest part of my life. It has been my foe, my nemesis, my dreaded companion. It has not been my friend at all. But my mirror, it said that because of what it saw. It didn’t see someone who felt valuable, it saw someone who wasn’t worth very much and so it said that I wasn’t going to amount to much. It said that I was indisciplined, ugly, fat and a loser. And for the longest time, I swallowed it all.

No more. Because after all the badgering, I finally had a talk with my mirror the other day. Well, not really. It was more like me talking and the mirror being forced to reflect the truth of my words. Because at the end of the day, that’s what mirrors do, isn’t it? They reflect what they see, they repeat what they hear and my mirror, all these years, it did just that. It saw someone who thought of herself as fat, ugly, incapable. It heard an insecure little girl who defined herself as a loser at life, worthless, bla, bla, bla. And so it told me so. And since it came with the authority of mirrors, I believed it all.

I have been doing a lot of growing up though, twenty two years of growing up. And for the last half a decade of these years, I have been learning and practicing to yield my thinking to the word of God, rather than my own judgments on things. And the process has been excruciatingly slow at times. I have lost many times, but I have won more too. And however slow the process might have been, it did its thing in me, it’s doing its thing in me, and the reflection in the mirror is changing. The image in the mirror is beginning to speak of confidence in a God so much greater than mirrors. And the image in the mirror, it tells the story of redemption.

I stepped in closer the other day, and examined the lines around my mouth, the lines around my eyes, the tummy that’s becoming flabby, the skin that’s losing some of its shine – ok, most of it maybe… But the mirror wasn’t reflecting loss, the mirror is not reflecting loss these days at all. The image in the mirror, it speaks of boldness that comes from knowing who is for me. And the image in the mirror, it tells the story of transformation.

I like this story. It speaks of love and joy and a future and a hope. It displays my weaknesses but glories in His grace.
I like this story. It puts God in the forefront. It makes Him big and keeps me where I belong. It has in it the spirit of boldness that God has given me, not timidity.

I like the story that God writes and I think I am going to continue to let it be the reflection I see each time I look at the mirror because timidity does hurt my need to bloom!

Tuesday 5 November 2013

TIME

It is something we never seem to have enough of. Something we try to manage down to the last second, just to maximize it. Lately, I am hearing, reading or experiencing things that have caused me to think more about God's timing. His timing is always perfect. He never gets it wrong. All through scripture, you see phrases like, "at the time I have planned" or "when the time is right" and "at just the right time."
A couple of weeks ago, I found myself discouraged with my Bible reading. I was so behind in my reading plan and felt like a failure. I was supposed to be leading a group of children through the Bible and I couldn't even keep up with the reading. Despite being discouraged, I continued reading. I was amazed at how what I was reading, the passages I should have read weeks before, were just the ones I needed, that day - not the day or week before, but that day. It didn't matter what day I read the passage, God still spoke to me. God's timing is faultless. 
I read a post on Facebook recently where someone described a near-miss accident she had experienced. She had been waiting at a stop light. When the light turned green, and it was her turn to go, her car stalled. She could not move. Just at that moment, a semi-truck ran the red light, speeding through the intersection. Had her car not stalled, she would have been hit by the truck. God's timing is without flaw.
There are many stories circulating about people who "should have" been at certain places of terrible occurences, based on their typical schedule  or pace. Why did they slow their pace? Because, it was God's timing, not theirs. His timing is free from error. Everything in our life runs under God's time. But, it is in those odd or surreal experiences where we seem to recognize it the most. Have you ever had any of these types of experiences, which can only be explained by God's pure and best-suited plan? Do you have stories that have been a proof of God’s timing in your life?

For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time...He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end. - Ecclesiastes 3:1, 11.