Who you are can shift with who
you're with. Different people bring out different aspects of your personality.
You can probably see this in your friendships. Hang with one friend and you're
hilarious. A different friend and you're deep and calm. Another and you're
sinister and a prankster. We all contain multitudes, and only by the unique
mixology of each person with another do we really get to know ourselves.
I notice this mostly when my
friends start datin' someone who doesn't quite fit the mold. The added energy
or lack thereof from the new person throws me off, confuses me about the
unspoken desires of my friend, and can affect even how I see my compadre. I
might see the hole in my friend's identity that they're fillin’ with this new
person, and be surprised by their inner life, one I never knew.
On the flip side, some
relationships I know are fire and fuel, in the best way. They ignite what is
wonderful in each other, and I love to hang out with them together as much as I
do apart. For me, that's the end goal.
Sometimes I wish I could just
decide, based on reason, who I am and who I get attracted to. I've tried, trust
me. But the cruel beauty of the heart is that it speaks in an ancient language,
as deep as instinct, and can hardly be reasoned with. You do not know your
heart. The head and the heart bicker. And I pray that one day, in one person...
they'll both, finally, agree.
In the meantime, I'll be mixin’
my spirit with all the ingredients around me, the personalities and
idiosyncrasies, and meeting myself in them and them in me. That way, I may also
bloom!
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