ESTHER

I love the book of Esther. It's probably the book of the Bible that I know best and easily relate to. What is so striking about Esther is that while her life always seems to be falling apart it is actually all falling together for God's purpose.

Esther's life was never in her control. She became an orphan at a young age. The scripture doesn't tell us the details but it does say that her mother and father were killed. As her life continues, Esther the orphan would be no stranger to tragedy. She was taken in by her cousin Mordecai. He cared for her until she was suddenly taken from his home by an order that came from the King of Persia, Xerxes. Events led to Esther being made Queen of Persia. Shortly after she becomes queen, there is a decree issued from the king that commands that every Jew in the kingdom would be put to death. No one knows there is a Jew in the castle. Tragedy strikes again.

Esther's background has been kept a secret but it will soon be revealed. It is at this time that Esther decides to go before the king, without being summoned, which is an action that is punishable only by death. When the King sees her, he raises his scepter and spares her life. She invites him to a couple of banquets where she reveals her nationality and requests that her people be spared. The king cannot reverse the decree but he did issue a new one that allowed the Jews to protect themselves. Through this act the Jews were preserved and Esther goes down in biblical history as one of the most courageous women of all time.
 
What I want you to see here is that no matter what tragedy struck Esther, from the death of her parents, to her removal from Mordecai's home, to facing death at the hand of her own husband, God's hand was always upon her. No matter how bleak things looked, God always provided for her. She had to do some hard things. She walked a difficult road. But because she trusted the Lord, she was used mightily to spare her people, God's people

I don't know your journey. I don't know the pain in your path but I do know that God is faithful. Whether you're facing a small problem or a devastating tragedy, God is faithful. You may have to face dark days, you may have to make difficult decisions but know this, God's hand is upon you and you will only bloom.

MY 🔝 🔟 GUIDELINES FOR FACEBOOK

It's hard  but I try to stick to this as well.

1. Be genuine in photos and wording. No need to pretend like life is perfect or use pictures that do not in any way depict the message of the caption.

2. Celebrate those nice moments that people share or post, instead of being cynical or critical all the time.

3. Only share something that has been confirmed true from multiple sources. Too many people wanting to be the first to share "breaking news" 📰 or spread "heart-breaking" 💔 news.

4. Unfollow people that consistently post things that cause you to compare, become anxious or feel bad about your own life. Also unfollow people that are overly critical of others’ religion or culture.

5. Do your own research. Read different opinions and sides of a story, consult various sources, verify every information. Don’t rely on only a certain media outlet to find the truth.

6. It's 🆗 to talk politics, but aim for intelligent political thought and civil discussion.

7. If you must talk religion, use thoughtful words with a gentle attitude and have an understanding perspective.

8. If  you disagree with something you read, scroll past it silently. Should you want to reply, do so with an open mind. Mutual understanding is hard to achieve over social media.

9. Don’t be quick to pass judgment on others’ stories and allegations. To call someone a liar about a serious situation is unwise. Better to be a careful listener and fair judge than a foolish finger-pointer.

10. Aim to uplift people and aim to challenge others to rise above all the yuck on social media.

It is Well, Really

Today, my Playlist randomly picked that old hymn, “it is well with my soul” (albeit a version by Kristene of Bethel Music 🎶) and it was my first time hearin' the song since a couple of months.

Every time I have heard that song in the past, I’ve intentionally checked out. It’s the song that more than any other holds the power to take me to a place the way only a song can; as if I’m really there again - freshly mint graduate 🎓 covered in acne and scared shitless by her own feelin' of confusion.

It would take me half a decade to understand what was goin' on with me then, that it was completely and utterly normal, every feelin' of grief I had at the time, includin' relief. So normal. But I didn’t know it. I loathed myself and I loathed the world for movin' on without me. Loathin' was all I knew.

This gorgeous old song transported me to a time so enveloped in despair it actually suffocated me. Then today I’m layin' in bed when I hear that familiar tune and without a single thought in my head I found myself runnin' towards the sound rather than away. I found myself now sittin' while the song played on and lettin' every note wash over me, every word sinkin' deeply into my bein'

And there in that moment, I was good. I felt so good. Oblivious of my thoughts 💭 in the last few minutes. The only feelin' in that moment was one of the deepest gratitude because I’m finally at a place in my life where I actually relate to those words, “it is well with my soul.” It really truly is. I am deeply and completely at peace from head to toe. And nothin' could be more than that. Because it has absolutely nothin' to do with “time healin' all wounds.” That’s not even a true sentiment.

To work your way from undone and alone and terrified and clueless to pure delight in life itself. That’s the warrior’s journey. It is not time that makes things okay deep in our souls. It is the great work of God in our lives. It’s toilin' and tendin' and survivin' and blood, sweat, and tears. It is the path of a brave warrior.

If you’re at despair today, I want you to know there’s hope, so much hope. You are not alone and this cloud 🌥 won’t always be there. It shall pass!

Someday, someday soon, the showers of grace will rain down on you and will make everythin' new again. That pain may never be transformed into somethin' painless. It will most likely always hurt. But you’ll teach yourself to tend to the pain. It’s not anybody else’s duty to help you move past what’s so personal to you. Eventually all that tendin' and toilin' will lead you to wellness. A wellness so deep and so real and so true it’s indescribable except to sing, “it is well with my soul.”

HIS PRESENCE

Several months ago, I was so angry and disillusioned with God. I had to basically drag myself to church, where I always sat with my arms crossed, stood with my heart hardened, not singing a note, and not liftin' a finger in worship. I didn’t even open my Bible for several weeks. Anxiety had set in. Thankfully, a heart and attitude change finally happened.


Before then, there was a particular moment I could never forget. As I was singin' with the choir at church, I was suddenly overwhelmed at the unmatched depth of true love our Saviour has for us. In the times I was upset, He was patient with me. In the times I groaned, He listened and comforted me. In the times where I questioned Him, He stayed steadfast with His arms open.


See, the very thing I was tryin' to avoid was the very thing I should have been runnin' to - His presence. In my despair, I crawled there. In my anger, I took my heaviness there. In my emptiness, I found strength there.


Whatever you are dealin' with, get to His presence. Run there. Limp there, if you must. Ask someone to carry you there. Just get there. You may not get all the answers you’re seeking, but there is healin' and wholeness there. There is love there. There is peace there. There is joy there. There is strength for each day and hope for tomorrow there.

Just go to His presence and bloom!

DEPRESSION

I experienced a period of depression last year. Somethin' I have never comprehended before. If you know me personally, you know that though I have a melancholic demure, I am more or less as happy as a puppy in mud. I am perpetually worry-free. All the time. Well, most of the time. I wouldn't say it's because of some zen balance I have or some cheerful wisdom. It is simply my disposition, as given to me as my skin colour or height. I've always been that way. And because of that, I have always struggled to understand depression. I am usually so happy to be alive, so grateful, that depression always seemed an insult to God.

But August 2016 changed that for me. Somethin' happened to my brain, my serotonin or whatever it is called was off on vacation, and I became miserable. I didn't want to get off the bed for my run in the mornings. I couldn't comprehend someone lovin' me. I could neither laugh at House of Payne nor Jenifa's Diary (and if you know me, that's insane). My depression, no, it's not mine. That depression wasn't passive, it wasn't just boredom or an absence of joy... it was a pulsing, active sadness. A mind racin' with misery. This was wholly new to me. My mind was swarmin' with the futility of me. I remember lyin' on the sofa wonderin' "is my brain broken? Is this me now? Is this my life? Is this how I kill myself?"

I don't talk about the devil much. I hate to give him too much press or credit. But sometimes, there's no way around it. He’s got to be called out for who he really is - a liar. He toys with our hearts, messes up our minds with lies. And boy, you' re done for if you believe him. That's what happened to me. I paid attention to him and he did so serve me his lies.

Then came September with quite a handful of heart-wrenchin' news for me. The irony however? That depression, it was over, it ended. I was myself again. As randomly as it had shown up, it left. Though I woke up heartbroken all month long, I gradually felt the beauty of the world return. It was as if God turned his face from me. And then he looked back again and touched me, held me.

I was so amazed by the organ of the human brain. Shaken up really, humbled by its fragility and physicality. We have all these ethereal constructs for self and soul, but take a chemical out of your brain, and you change. Lookin' back one year after, I have new empathy and respect for depression. Well... For the people who lived and died with it. For people who carry that weight. I am amazed by their strength really.

This time last year, I walked into a deep valley that, if I could tell you at the time, I was not prepared to walk through. I look back now and say, "it was for His glory and my good." I am not the same woman that I was a year ago, and judgin' from that experience, I am far from the woman I need to be. But great is His faithfulness unto me, I still bloom!

DECISIONS

If your dad had a farm and worked hard in his youth and planted many crops, and no calamities came to him or his farm, you would grow up with a full belly.

If my dad had a farm and didn't work hard, or fulani herdsmen destroyed everythin' on it, I would grow up hungry.

Either way, you and I didn't earn our beginnings. You didn't earn a successful father any more than I earned an unsuccessful one. We were fated to them.

You, the well fed child, would be strong and perhaps with enough leisure time to develop other skills, ones that make you competitive. You would assume your childhood is what all childhood is like.

I on the other hand would be frail and lookin' for food. My dad may be frail too. I may have to look after him. I may be hardened by the meanness of my fate. I may distrust and therefore refuse to develop any skills.

You may meet me on the playground (though unlikely because we wouldn't go to the same school) and ask why my clothes are dirty. I would be ashamed. You may be kind and successful. I would most likely be hard and sad. Both are a self-affirmin' spiral.

Now imagine this cycle over ten generations. It just repeats itself.

There is a paradox in our thinking: to believe that the efforts or misfortunes of our parents greatly determine our lives (this is logically true), while simultaneously believin' that we come into life on equal footin' and that our successes are ours to boast about.

This seems responsible for the tension in the air. The sins and efforts of the father, the abuse and wealth and crookedness and goodness, all commingled into history. We wake up into life profitin' by, or disadvantaged by, the events of our ancestors. We're proud of some of the things, we ignore others. We stand on the shoulders of great humans and the backs of the enslaved or cheated and yet, here we are, responsible for our own lives, takin' credit for our hard work and our careers, blamin' the junky for his weakness, praisin' the entrepreneur for his work ethic. Ignorin' the puppeteer of history and consequence.

You see, someone once said: when you are born, you look like your parents. When you are old, you really only look like your decisions. Make the right decisions if you wanna bloom.

SAME CALL, DIFFERENT ROUTES

Last week, I got stuck in terrible traffic – traffic so bad it took me almost 30 minutes to go less than ¼ of a mile.

I was on my way for an appointment. Since plyin' that route, traffic has been almost non-existent, so it wasn’t somethin’ I had planned for. I left home with what would have been plenty of time to spare, but due to a messy accident down the road, I found I was cuttin' it close.  And to make matters worse, I absent-mindedly left my phone at home, so I could neither look up a faster route on google map nor contact the person on the other end to let her know I was runnin' late.

At that point, I had to make a decision. I could either sit in that traffic, which would have resulted in me missin' out on my commitment, or I could take the only other route I knew of - a much longer, less direct route. With about 15 minutes to spare, I decided to turn around and go the longer, less convenient way. My flustered, frustrated self, made it there - and right on time too.

Sometimes, I think we find ourselves in similar situations when it comes to followin’ God. God may call us to something, and we commit to answerin' that call. We think we know what we are gettin' into - what the journey will look like. And then, just when we think we have it all together, God makes it clear that our ideal route is not His route. And it’s in those moments that we have a decision to make: we can either miss out on what God ultimately has in store, or we can buckle up and take the longer, harder, holy route.

God can change our course without changin' our call. Let’s be faithful and choose the route He has for us. Even when it’s puzzling. Even when it’s challenging. Even when it’s untimely. Even when it isn’t ours. Don’t miss out on God’s plan if you wish to bloom.

WHEN I SAY IT, I MEAN IT

For most of my life, I was reserved with words like the ones above. not just those, endearin' words too. I wanted it to really mean something, didn’t want to give it away too easily (really gotta make people work for it, you know? LOL) and I certainly didn’t want to waste it on anyone who didn’t love me back. Selfish, not so?

What did such carefulness get me? Only a whole host of habits and practices that kept me “safe” but also blocked almost all of the love that was possible in my life. I was “doing everythin’ right”, but I was trapped in my own little world. It wasn’t until a few years back that I began to tell people how I feel about them. 

When I feel it, I say it. When I say it, I mean it. And when I mean it, I don’t need you to say it or mean it back either. Hearin’ it back feels good, don’t get me wrong. But love isn’t a bargainin’ chip. I don’t need people to love me back in order to love them. Love is its own reward.

Most of us do not need to be more careful with love. We’ve been careful enough. We need to unlock the well of love buried deep within us, the one we left untapped because people told us love was dangerous and wicked and that it would get us into trouble and get our hearts broken.

No doubt, it may get you into trouble. Welcome to life! And yes, it may get your heart broken. That's part of it, that's what love does. It breaks us open. But keepin’ it locked up down is keepin’ you stuck in a tiny little life you don’t even want to be living, trust me. You’ll only come to realize that you’re trapped in a cage you don’t even remember gettin’ in. So, speak the words as often as you mean it. Splash it on that person, just like I'm doin' on this post.

In the perfect words of one of my favourite artists Audrey Assad, "love given freely becomes what it ought to be." I'm not waitin’ around anymore for love to happen to me. I am love and I am happenin’ to me, so much so that I bloom.

EACH OF US IS LAYERED, COMPLEX AND MANY

Who you are can shift with who you're with. Different people bring out different aspects of your personality. You can probably see this in your friendships. Hang with one friend and you're hilarious. A different friend and you're deep and calm. Another and you're sinister and a prankster. We all contain multitudes, and only by the unique mixology of each person with another do we really get to know ourselves.

I notice this mostly when my friends start datin' someone who doesn't quite fit the mold. The added energy or lack thereof from the new person throws me off, confuses me about the unspoken desires of my friend, and can affect even how I see my compadre. I might see the hole in my friend's identity that they're fillin’ with this new person, and be surprised by their inner life, one I never knew.

On the flip side, some relationships I know are fire and fuel, in the best way. They ignite what is wonderful in each other, and I love to hang out with them together as much as I do apart. For me, that's the end goal.

Sometimes I wish I could just decide, based on reason, who I am and who I get attracted to. I've tried, trust me. But the cruel beauty of the heart is that it speaks in an ancient language, as deep as instinct, and can hardly be reasoned with. You do not know your heart. The head and the heart bicker. And I pray that one day, in one person... they'll both, finally, agree.

In the meantime, I'll be mixin’ my spirit with all the ingredients around me, the personalities and idiosyncrasies, and meeting myself in them and them in me. That way, I may also bloom!

His Plans Differ

As humans, we can all relate to a time we were tired, worn out, stressed, pushed to our breakin' point, and wonderin' where God was. Is it those tests we studied our hardest for, only to receive a bad grade? Is it those moments when our dreams seem in reach but are suddenly wretched away? Too numerous to list.

We ask: why does God allow that to happen to us, His people? How can we trust in Him disappointment after disappointment?

In the recent past, I had my fair share of disappointin' experiences. I went into post-graduate studies excited and ready to find the perfect job afterwards. Along the line, I was catapulted into a job that appeared to be one for the future. However, things turned sour and all I have to show for huge investments of my time, energy and money is rejection and betrayal. In my mind, I did everythin' to ensure I would stay on the job. I have good grades, I was heavily involved in researches related that field, I feel like I performed well in my interviews and on top of that, I prayed for it to happen. Still, I was shoved out.

Honestly, why won’t God allow somethin' to come easily just this once? The first few minutes after the news came, I was scared, wonderin' how I was ever goin' to find a job when I have very little experience and when many of my peers seem to be gettin' jobs as quickly as bread flies off the racks at Shoprite. I am not exaggerating. Frankly, in those minutes, I was pretty fed up with God and His apparently “great plans.”

“In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.”- Proverbs 16:9 “A lot is cast into the lap, but it’s every decision is from the Lord.”- Proverbs 17: 33 “The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trust in Him, and I am helped.”- Psalm 28: 7 “I sought the Lord and He answered me, He delivered me from all my fears.”- Psalm 34:4

Though these words brought me comfort, I was still a girl without a job and tryin' to find my path. The ironic thing is throughout that whole week, my devotional said somethin' about trustin' in God and waitin' on His timing. I love one of the quotes I found: "when you're weary and everythin' seems to be goin' wrong, you can still utter these fours words: I trust You, Jesus."

How many times do we completely discount God when the things in our lives seem to go wrong? We doubt, cry, and pout like a toddler whose mother didn't buy what she wanted at the supermarket. Why don’t we rejoice instead? Why are we so quick to forget all the times God rescued us? Why do we forget the things God is doin' in our lives right this second that enable us to survive?

As difficult as it can be to believe and as often as people suggest James 1:2 (as if readin' that verse magically solves your problems), it’s still true. Life is not easy, but God never promises it will be. We can’t control the plans of our lives or what direction they will take, but we can change our attitude durin' times of trial and disappointments. We can choose to thank God for all He has done and the faithfulness He has shown us in the past. We can choose to take delight in the gift of each day. And we can rejoice when life twists our carefully orchestrated plans.

It is not easy. On the contrary, it takes plenty of work. God is usin' what you're goin' through right now to prepare you for somethin' in the future that you don’t have any idea about. Maybe the job was taken away because it will prevent me from a greater opportunity. Maybe God is protectin' me from a horrible boss. Maybe it happened so that I'd find time for other things. Maybe he's stoppin' me from buildin' a career in a path different from his plan for me, because it's not clear to me yet what I want to do with the rest of my life that is comin' immanently closer every second.

For the Lord is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor. No good thing does He withhold from those whose walk is blameless. -Psalm 84:11

This verse doesn’t say you won’t be crushed at times in life, disappointed, and even devastated by God’s circumstances, but it does say that God is sovereign and He is protectin' us from ourselves.  Our best does not necessarily equal His best.

If you are in a period of waitin' and disappointments are poppin' left, right and centre, God has not forgotten you. Though you might not get the endin' you wanted, God is still providin' for you despite your doubt. Today, try to desire the plans and things God wants to give you instead of what you think you deserve. Remember, without disappointments we would not be able to fully bloom.

YOU ARE AMAZIN'

Again and again, I see how easy it is to say those words to someone else and how hard it is to believe it for myself when told. I think there are three main reasons for this:

My stunted self-worth. I’ve laid so much of my identity on the altar of public opinion, cultural sway, performance, status, and the desire to be known. And in so doing, my truest identity; the one in Christ, gets lost under the pile.

My misguided views about humility. "Amazing?" I say to myself. "What a prideful view to have!" But truthfully, God isn't just "okay" with me. He doesn't simply tolerate me. He didn't create me and then whisper, "oops, what have I done?" I was made intentionally, and because the One who crafted me is the king of the whole universe, I am indeed a pretty amazin' creation.

My familiarity with the messes that no one else sees. The truth is, we all know the yuck of our own pasts. I know where I have failed others, and where I have failed God. I know all the un-amazin' things I've said, done and thought.

These reasons notwithstanding, I am still an amazin' person and so are you. We are not what we do. We are not how we feel or what we struggle with or even what we have accomplished. We are who God says we are. Sometimes we get paralyzed by insecurity because we define ourselves by our failures. Sometimes, we tie so tightly our identity to our talents or success that when we mess up or realize someone is more talented; we don’t know who we are anymore. Let’s define ourselves the way God does – amazing; no more, no less! We are made for amazing things. Each of us are here for "such a time as this," for purposes set out for us long ago. Our time here is short, so very short. If you’re anything like me, maybe 2017 can be the year when we let go of our stunted self-worth, our misguided views about humility, and our past regrets.

It's a new year. You are an amazin' person, and you are made for amazin' things. So, say it loud and say it proud: "I am amazing, therefore, I bloom!"

GOD IS REAL, GOOD, PRESENT & WORKIN'

One day everythin’ is perfect, and the next, it's not. Life is funny like that I guess, a constant set of waves ever changin’ and constantly rolling in. Goodness and hardship. Happy then sad. Perfect and imperfect.

It's easy for me to think that I can handle everythin’ that comes my way. That I can squash the doubt and insecurities and keep movin’ forward in the struggle against the waves. But then one big wave comes in and knocks me down to my knees. It's easy when there is nothin’ to worry about. When things are so good, the only thing that worries you is change - the next wave. But I have found recently more than any other time that things cannot always be perfect. Things will not always be our idea of good. Life is sometimes messy and hard. And that's ok. Because when things ain't perfect, and you're tired and you feel like a failure and maybe even a loser, that's when grace shows up. Grace is what a loser needs most. We have got to rest in it.

For now, I will just be thankful. Thankful for this day. Thankful for my life. Thankful for my God. Thankful for my family. Thankful that I have people and things to be thankful for, which is just in a big way another reminder that life isn't always perfect, but that God is real and good and present and working. That is all that I require. I don't need to know more. That is what I will tell my heart every day. That is what I need to bloom.

"FOR I KNOW THE PLANS I HAVE FOR YOU..."

Once upon a time a few years ago, I was at Faith Clinic, the prayer meeting service of my church. I came that evening grudgingly - I didn't particularly feel close to God at the time - bad habits, a busy schedule, distractions and sin kept me at a distance from the Lord. The worst part is that I grew comfortable in my lukewarmness and didn't want a reminder that my soul was growin' cold.

I sat through most of the service with my thoughts wanderin' to everythin' but God. I tried to pray. But the words wouldn't come. Even as the people around me clearly experienced the Lord's presence, I sat numb and uncomfortable.

I don't remember what broke me. Maybe it was the preacher who said somethin' that struck a chord in my heart, but on the last prayer of the service, the walls came crumblin' down swiftly and quickly. As I bawled my eyes out and prayed incoherent words, I asked God to lead me... to tell me what He wanted from me.

"Jeremiah 29:11," I heard so audibly, I glanced up to see if someone around me had said it. But everyone was prayin' around me, not sparin' me a glance.

Now, I don't really know verses of the bible by heart, I'd always mix up the references. I may have grown up in the church and read the Bible, but I did not have Scriptures references memorized (let alone venture into the Prophets or the Old Testament often). But as I opened my Bible, tryin' to find where the book of Jeremiah was, because I was so shaken and clumsy in that moment, I read these words and they became the anthem of my heart from then on: "For I know the plans I have for you....". This was a verse I have heard recited every so often. How could I not tell that that was Jeremiah 29:11? Maybe if the voice had just reeled out the sentence, I would not have known that was the place in the bible because I would not have looked through.

I drew comfort, hope and strength from those words. They sustained me through that season and led me to the next. They were with me as I arose every morning and even now.

But those words aren't just for me or Jeremiah. They're for you too. God knows the plans He has for you, and they are good plans. Let Him lead you to where trust is without borders. There will be ups and downs, but I promise you, under His watchful care and guidance, you will flourish and bloom.

Lesson Learnt

"How do you know s/he's the one?"

That's a question most "about-to-wed"s get asked more often than they might expect. Normally, most of them would say that they “just knew”. This however, is usually not the case.

A few weeks after someone asked me that question, my first relationship fell apart. Or more accurately, the few threads I’d been desperately tryin' to hold together in the last two years of that relationship finally came unraveled. The irony!

Four years after the end of that relationship, I feel like I want to share what I learnt. And if I could give a piece of advice that will make that question less complicated, it would be to spend less time tryin' to figure out how to dress, how to act, how not to act, when to text, when not to text, who should call etc. and more time askin' the more inportant questions.

How do you feel about yourself when you're in this person’s presence? Can you tell him/her what you think—even if it will hurt his/her feelings? Are you able to let your guard down in front of him/her? Are you able to hear what s/he has to say even when it's difficult? Do you tell him/her how he/she makes you feel? Do you enjoy his/her company? Would you rather be with him/her than by yourself?

We spend so much time worryin' about how much schoolin' they've had, what kind of job they do, what kind of car they drive et al. Not that these questions are wrong; it’s just that their answers can easily be manipulated. A person can accomplish a lot without character and integrity.

Only time can provide true answers to the more important questions because those things cannot be rushed. I’m not sayin' it will take forever to get answers. What I'm sayin' is that you should cut yourself some slack. Give yourself the time you need to be clear about the relationship and how it affects the peace of your being. It will take a different amount of time for everyone, so there's no need to beat yourself up if it takes longer than others.

And yes, you’re gettin' older every day and more and more of your friends are getting engaged on social media and it feels like you are the last one and you’re goin' to be left behind. I know there's a chance that if you wait “too long”, the person you’re datin' might not stay long enough for you to decide and just walk away. But the truth is: what is for you will not pass you by. It's the rest of your life, you cannot come and go and mess it up. 😁

Findin' the “right person” is not the point of your wait. Who you are becomin' is the point. Learn to speak your truth to the one you're with, terrifyin' as it may be. We spend most of our time tryin' to veil the truth, tryin' not to say anythin' that will make us too vulnerable, or hurt anyone’s feelings, or make us seem “too forward”. What’s better than findin' a life partner is learnin' to be at home with yourself.

Back to what I've learnt from endin' a relationship! A relationship that ends is not your life's endin' nor is it a failure tag on you. Sadly, I was one to judge people for breakin' up. I didn’t know I was doin' it until I found me in the same place. It's not like I sat around thinkin' they were terrible at their relationships, but I did think that that would never happen to me. Breakin' up was not an option for me. I was strong, I told myself then. No matter what happened, I'd fight to keep my relationship goin' and I did fight. Even when it was drainin' me, I kept tellin' myself that if I could only fight harder, I could save us.

The most depressin' question as people began to know of the split was: “so you couldn’t just make it work?” As much as that made me feel like a failure, it took a while for me to realize that the outcome of that relationship does not reflect or define the resilience of my soul. Did I think I'd have a break up? No. That was not the story I asked for, nor was it what I dreamed about.

The end of a relationship, I have come to learn isn’t always the result of a lack of fighting. Sometimes the strongest thing one can do is to let go. You can do all the right things and still break up. So do not be so quick to judge your efforts by outcomes in life. I needed to learn that a broken relationship is not a failed life.

I hope you don’t have to go through a break up. Truly. But I also want you to know that even if you do go through one—or another kind of heartbreak all together—you are goin' to be okay. You are powerful and resilient and incredible and not a minute is wasted. Not your dating life, not your singlelife, not your post-breakup life.

Just know that that beautiful, totally resilient version of you is unfoldin' in full bloom.

INFLUENCE

It's not about the number of followers you have but about the influence and relationships you have with your followers. If you only have a few followers and those followers are incredibly engaged with you, then you're more influential than someone else who has a million followers but no true relationship with them.

So often we think that to have true influence, we first need a hundred thousand followers on our social media accounts, blogs, ministry or life in general; or maybe that we need a special kind of job, ministry or platform. But all we really need is to invest our time in one person. To be faithful in little things before God entrusts us with more.

Start where you are today. Put your head down and work away at what God has given you now. Even if it feels discouraging. Even if no one is reading, listenin' or watching.

And BTW, you don't need a job, a blog or a ministry to feel like you're doing your part. Your influence is in those around you. They are your followers. Engage with them first. Plant seeds in their hearts and watch them bloom.

THERE'S GOOD OUT THERE

While my life is fine; I still always find a cozy refuge every night and all's well at home, when I look around the world I feel heavy and sad.

Every trendin' topic and headline points to a world that is crumbling. Politicians seem more ruthless and self-serving than ever, criminals are destroyin' lives and victims are being doubly victimized by a joke of a judicial system, the latest disgustin' lack of regard for human life by terrorists is splashed across social media every few days and I've found myself wonderin' what kind of world I'd someday bring children into.

I've felt myself becomin' angry, bitter and withdrawn.

And then this evenin' as I was havin' dinner I was reminded of an incident that occurred durin' the day. I was in the market jugglin' a huge bag of food stuffs, my wallet and a bag of clothes and just couldn't find the shortest way out of the market. As the rain drizzled, I wiggled, tryin' to get through the little opening in the midst of the human traffic, while hopin' I hadn't drop the half a dozen eggs cradled in the thin bag now hangin' over my shoulder.

At this time, someone hit me from behind and my wallet fell. I was this close to losin' it when a young boy approached me and without saying anything, smiled and passed me my wallet from the other end, before movin' closer to readjust the bag that had been slippin' down my arm.

"Thank you." I mumbled, grateful and relieved. However, after he walked away, I felt shell shocked. Why did he help me? I checked my wallet to see if it still held my phone. Turns out the poor boy wasn't a pick-pocket afterall. He just noticed me strugglin' and helped.

But why did he? Because most people are like that.

That young boy who helped me in the rain will never trend on Facebook. His face won't be flashed across the news over and over. But his act reminded me that while the stories in our faces are usually awful, the real world; the one we interact with every day, is filled with goodness and kindness.

We shouldn't let current events and politics make us bitter. We shouldn't let the bad few rot all of mankind for us. We shouldn't allow headlines to poison our hearts against each other.

I still have hope for us and I hope you do, too . Be good, be kind, bloom!

THINGS I'M LEARNIN' TO BE OKAY WITH ON SOCIAL MEDIA

Improper grammar (case in point: the title above is prolly incorrect)

Inappropriate caption (what has a sentence like "Vengeance is of the Lord" got to do with the picture of a supermarket?)

Obscene images (not a single day goes by without a photo-epileptic sufferin' an attack)

Misleadin' info (ever seen the picture of a president at some conference or a catchphrase like "10ways to lose weight", only to click the adjoined link to see a site that talks religion?)

Undecipherable abbrievations (even when the supposed short form has the same number of alphabets, if not more)

No punctuation (more like multiple-complex-compound sentences, paragraphin' not required)

Misinterpreted words (lemme is an aberration for "let me", not "leave me)

Misattributed quotes (sorry Mugabe, you seem to have "said" so many things you're unaware of)

Perfect pictures (oh well...blame it on our phones and other mobile devices)

Self-acclaimed journalists (the media's primary function is to inform, not so? Therefore anybody online can publish news)

Flawless profiles (What people post on social media are highly curated moments, often depictin' an idea of perfection. But on the outside, we know what's up)

There's more on the list o, but the gloom it causes can slow somebody’s bloom!

HOW DO YOU IDENTIFY YOURSELF?

Who do you say you are? I'll go first.

There are many different ways I label myself. The most common labels are: female, 25 year-old, friend, sister, daughter, colleague, student, singer, youth group leader, Nigerian, etc. While these things are all true, none of them entirely describes the fullness of what really makes me tick, neither do they reflect the potentials that lie within me and all that I am capable of being.

The most important piece of my identity is my identity in Christ. I am who God is and who He made me to be; everything else that I am steams from this central identity. My identity as a child of God is the only identity that is constant. All the other identities stated at first could be taken away. For one, I could lose the people I love. The organization I work with could decide that they no longer require my services. I could lose my voice. My friends could drift away. I could even lose my home or be forced to run for my life with my family, like refugees are doin’ somewhere out there as I type these words from the comfort of my room.

Should I choose first to be identified by my role as a girlfriend, what if my significant other is no more? Would that make me any less me? If I am always so defined by my intellect, my language, my articulation and my abilities, then who will I be if I happen to suffer amnesia, Alzheimer’s disease or maybe if I am rendered handicap in some way, will I cease to be me? It just means that my whole world will come crumblin’ down if I base my identity on any of these temporary roles. As much as I may delight in these things, my role as any of these personalities is not my core identity. I am a being first, before I am anything else.

I’d like to remind you that you, dear lady reading this, are not your bra size, nor the width of your waist. You are not your skin colour, neither are you defined by the attention you get from males or anyone for that matter. You are the content of your character, you are the ambitions that drive you. You are the thoughts that you think. You are beautiful and desirable not because anyone thinks so, but for the spark of life within you that no one else can bring. You are not the shape of the vessel, you are the volume of the soul it carries.

You have only one certainty in life, only one identity that is secure: that is your identity in Christ. Conflict and death and instability and a diagnosis could take every other identity away from you in one skinny minute, but nothin’ can take away who you are in Christ. As a matter of fact, you are not your own; you are nobody outside Him! Only through Him, are any of us who we are. He is the Ultimate Identity and nothing can take that away. Not famine, not sword, neither trial nor hunger.

When you truly find your identity in Christ, you no longer feel superficial and insecurity gives way. Because at its core, insecurity is rooted in a case of mistaken identity.

Our most important identity of all is that we are God’s children. I forget that often, you too?

We have laid so much of our identity on the altar of public opinion, cultural sway, performance, status and the desire to be known. This stunts the growth of our self-worth and pushes our true identity under the pile. Let today be the day we let go of our stunted self-worth and bloom.