TAKE A STEP

You have a dream and a burning passion for that dream. Yes, I know you do. It might be buried beneath a pile of 'life happens' but you still have a dream.You might need to rent some heavy duty machinery just to break down the concrete plastered over its tomb, but you still have a dream.

It might be down to bare bones. No flesh. No heart. No blood.

It might not so big but it doesn't look bad either. It might look impossible but you still have a dream. 

Living with thoughts full of "I wonder what could (be) have been" can be devastating.

The good news is your dead dreams are not really dead. Maybe they’re in a coma or  probably crippled, but not dead. Your dream is not dead because you're not dead. It might not breathe exuberant life like it did when you were 15 but it's there and it's calling out to you. Her voice might be a faint whisper or a thunderous uproar. Honestly, it really doesn't matter.

Take a step today. Not tomorrow. Today. Do something now. Just take a step towards your dream. Move closer. Do something... Ask her out, type those words, share that testimony, sing that song, say hi to him, pick up a brochure, make that call, pay that bill, look up adoptions, seek that visa, talk to your parents, go on that date, initiate a conversation. Save that coin... Just take a step. Then take another and another and another. And as you keep moving, look for the most obvious signs that you're coming close to your dream, even when she says no, and you get a rejection letter, and no one likes you music, just smile because you're so close.

No one has ever accomplished anything significant without facing failure and uncertainty. Be encouraged by that fact but also remember that no one has ever played big in God's story without first taking a small step.

God's will for your life is a path of faith. Stop waiting for the heavens to open. He already gave you a dream. Act on that passion. And because God has called us to walk by faith, you're not going to know what the future holds, ever. And until you act, move and take that step, you will never unravel it.  So, just take a small step of faith today. I know it's scary but you can do it through his grace. 

Your dream is not dead but it might need you to take a step today. Take that step today because honestly, it is the only way.

I DON'T KNOW

When people ask me about my plans for the coming year - my plans for writing, my plans with school, my plans with singing, my plans in general - this is the answer - “I don’t know.”

Some four, five years ago, I knew exactly what I wanted to do. I had a plan and a vision and a desire to go in a direction. But all that, all that has changed. Many tables in my life (school, writing, friendships, relationship status, body weight etc.) have been turned over. It’s scary at times, devastating at times, yet relieving at times, if that makes any sense. And boy, am I a worrier? - How am I going to go back to school? Who am I when I’m not with others? What part does writing play in my life? To marry now or not to marry yet, those are the questions.

And now, here I am standing in the middle of all these overturned tables, my dreams and plans scattered on the floor. So I wait for the power. I wait for the Lord to show up in a big way. I don’t know what that’s going to look like, but we’ll know it when it is here. Then we’re all gonna worship. Like children, we will not be restrained by our fears or our doubts. We won’t be able to resist the desire to praise Him for who He is and how He moves.

All of a sudden, my phone rings. Instead of taking the call, I sing along, oblivious of who the caller is:

“Yeah yeah

You know my name.
I know You wrote my story.
But there are days when I can't see a happy ending.
No, no.

Life get's hard.
Sometimes it just hurts.
It's kicking me down and throwing me curves.
When I feel the rain.
I won't be afraid.

'Cause I know, I know, I know You are Who You Say You Are.
Who You Say You Are.
You are the One still standing when everything is falling apart.
Yeah, You got my heart.
I'll still be smiling when the sky is dark.
'Cause I believe that You are Who You Say You Are.
You're Who You Say You Are.
Yeah, yeah.

I've had control.
But I didn't know where, I was going.
Yeah, yeah.
I went down my road.
But my road just left me broken, yeah yeah.

I see it all now.
I don't know how.
But there's never been a time that You let me down.
Or walked away, so I'm not afraid.

'Cause I know, I know, I know You are Who You Say You Are.
Who You Say You Are.
You are the One still standin' when everything is fallin' apart.
Yeah, You got my heart.
I'll still be smilin' when the sky is dark.
'Cause I believe that You are Who You Say You Are.

Life's gonna knock me down.
It's not gonna keep me down.
I'm gonna trust You now, in every season.
I know You're here.
I know You're for me.
I know that joy comes in the morning.
God, I believe it now.
God, I believe You now.

You're Who You Say You Are.
When life knocks me down.
I won't stay down.
I'll get back up on my feet now.
You're more than a conqueror.

I know, I know, I know You are Who You Say You Are.
Who You Say You Are.
You are the One still standin' when everything is fallin' apart.
Yeah, You got my heart.
I'll still be smilin' when the sky is dark.
'Cause I believe that You are Who You Say You Are.

Who You Say You Are.
Who You Say You Are.
You're Who You Say You Are.
Who You Say You Are.
I know You are, Who You Say You Are.
Who You Say You Are.
You're Who You Say You Are. .”

That is what I know. He is who He says He is, all glory, honour and praise to the One who knows all – for He says “... I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for” – Jeremiah 29:11

`WHAT ARE YOU GOOD AT?

Its a simple question but answering it feels like undergoing a surgery with fingers sitting in ice. Painful!

Its not always because we don’t know what we're good at but because we think acting like we arent so confident about what we're good at is the humble thing to do.

I’m starting to realize that acting like we're not good at anything is just that; acting. It is not humility.

Humility is not about dodging what God has entrusted to you, it's rather about keeping it in perspective, it's about remembering that its for His glory, it's about serving people.

But until we acknowledge what God has given us (what you are good at), how will we truly glorify Him or serve people with that gift?

If we ignore what God has given us, we’re not being humble, we’re simply being irresponsible.

The reason we sometimes act like we're not really good at something/anything is because it opens us up to accountability - "if I admit that I'm good at this and people know that I am, then I have to do something with it" - so we hide under the guise of humility, and everyone loses. You lose. The community that needs your gift loses, too.

You might not be the best in the world at that something but you’re still good at it. And its okay to admit that. Really, its okay. I know its painful but give it a try, starting now... (like I'm doing here).

What are you good at? Singing? Writing? Teaching? Childcare? Sports? Speaking? Dancing? Computers? Hospitality? Go do it, please! Free yourself. Open up to accountability. And please, try doing this without "humility".

PHASES OF LOVE

Relationships go through various phases.

THE FALL

Most relationships begin with a fall; you “fall” in love with your partner. Now, this is the easiest of all phases. Literally, one makes no effort to “fall”. It often just happens that you fall, unprepared, of course. Expressions like “swept off my feet” would better explain this phase.

Imagine that someone was to “sweep” you “off your feet”; taking this sentence with its face value, you’re most likely going to “fall”. Now, you don’t have to do anything – it just happens to you.

In this phase, partners are more likely receptive and welcoming of sweet nothings, wanting nothing more than the presence of the one for whom they “fell”.

THE FLOOR

When a person falls, sometimes, s/he stays on the floor for a while, probably trying first to recover from the shock of the fall or even having a good laugh while reliving the events that led to the “fall”.

As is expected however, one soon begins to get bored having to stay on one spot for a given amount of time and this could lead to unhappiness or sometimes, even anger.

At this stage, people begin to look around for a means to get off the floor by pouring more time and energy into work, hobbies, church activities or other relationships.

THE RISE

Here, people try to see how they can sustain the relationship they built through the "fall" without having to remain on the "floor" ad infinitum. For this phase, efforts need to be put in and one has to carry out the “labour” of love to "make" the relationship work.

This stage requires wisdom, too.

Do not be afraid if your reltionship it's not all lovey-dovey as the days of the "fall" - life is in phases and so is love.

THE WOMAN – A HELPER SUITABLE…

A lot of concepts have become so popular but it doesn’t make them right and if there’s a fact that many have eroded, I believe this is one of it – a factor that has led some men to despise their female counterparts.

When Adam first saw Eve, he was relieved. She was his type and God declared her his helper. He was so specific in His declaration that I get the impression that every woman should make her man fortunate by helping him.

A woman is a gift, a person of necessity and so accurately packaged for her man. The trend now however doesn’t buttress this point, not because women have lost these abilities but because they have failed to see themselves in that light. It’s sad to see how some ladies carry themselves so helplessly as if to say the men are doing them a favour by marrying them – God says it is you who has brought them favour – through you, that man obtains favour.

Why look so haggard because you’re not married yet? Why are you so depressed because you’re not in a relationship now? That “help-me-out-of-singlehood” look you wear will not attract a noble man’s heart.

Dear Lady reading this piece, you’re a jewel! Your man will probably hold a thanksgiving service daily for the blessing his life will receive if you truly realize what a helper you are. Think like one, act like one and speak like one. You’re a helper (helpmeet), you do not need help! Do not devalue your identity.

A man would appreciate and respect a woman whom he needs, not one who is needy.

Society has indoctrinated many ladies to leave their duties as support systems to a man. Proverbs 31 (the scripture on the virtuous woman) speaks of God’s intended feminity – who and what a woman should be and do to and for her man.

God defined a woman as a helper at creation and to my mind, that implies that there’s a “burden” (I use that word for lack of another) on man to which only a woman can render help. If women are referred to as the “weaker” gender, it is because there is a “weak” gender and because God’s ways are mysterious but wondrous, a weaker gender can supply strength to a weak gender!

As a woman, a helper, a pillar, you do not leave the labour of love to the man alone, you do not let a man bear responsibilities alone, you carry the “burden” with him, together – you supply help! Lady, you are strong, God made you so, see yourself as such and carry yourself in like manner. Do not let your relationship with your man seem a parasitic one, you’re equipped, empowered and anointed - to help.

SOUVENIRS OF PUBERTY

I will never forget the utter mortification I felt when I resumed school that term. “Oyiwodu, is this you?” Adama practically screamed at me. “What am I seeing? My benchy has grown up!” And then worst of all, her arms reached out to touch my chest. “Oh, what is this? So you now have breasts eh, Oyiwodu? Wonders shall never end.” She went on and on prodding my chest; while I stood there wishing the ground would open up and swallow me.

Although that incident amuses me now, it’s just one of the traumatic experiences I had during puberty. Suddenly, my body didn’t seem to be mine anymore, it kept doing things I didn’t ask it to do! Can you imagine? I was even embarrassed by people I knew even though they seemed fascinated by these physical changes. I seemed to be on a never-ending emotional roller coaster and was unbearably sensitive about everything. I no longer felt completely comfortable around anyone; I graduated from a self-conscious introvert to an unusual deepened shyness all because I now had strange things growing on my chest, and did you see me?

Ouch, and the boobs! How I disliked how they felt, really painful sometimes! How I detested the creepy way some males looked at them! How I wished they would disappear into thin air overnight just as they had sprouted up! I even stubbornly refused to wear the training bra senior Iember bought for me, hoping that my denial would somehow make them go away but they didn’t, they just kept growing! How annoying it felt when I discovered the boobs were just the beginning. Suddenly, my face was covered with huge pimples, the menstrual period started and even more disconcerting were those mood swings, throwing me from mountain peak to ocean floor on a regular basis. And since I had always been a shy and sensitive child, I became painfully introverted especially with people who appeared more confident (talk about a complex and that would be me).

Sensing my insecurity, some mocked and made jest of me, they took advantage of my naïveté to make them have something to laugh about. I developed unhealthy thinking and worrying habits and my rebellious personality was slowly being crushed. My grand mum, overwhelmed by the changes she saw in me tried to encourage me, telling me that I should always hold my head high because I was “blessed with beauty, intelligence and maturity” – I wasn’t so sure about the first and last adjectives so, I still felt depressed.

I don’t really remember how my epiphany came about, maybe my grandmother’s words sank deeper than I realized, maybe my spirit was much stronger than I knew, maybe the companies I was able to form or break reinforced my sense of self-worth or maybe I simply matured to match my maturing body. LOL! Perhaps, it was a combination of all of the above but I personally think God was looking out for me, motherless as I was and somehow I began to love myself again, to feel good about my “accomplishments”, to respect the fact that despite all the changes, the core of me remained and nothing will ever take that away. Now, some years after those odd changes, I still have crazy mood swings sometimes but I don’t let them overwhelm me. I’ve even learnt to laugh at them and I now revel in the delights of well-fitting bras that give me the support I need to feel free – though I’m still learning to get me the right bra. No longer self-conscious, I even rejoice in being plus-sized once in a while.

I’m still sensitive and shy but that’s just part of the quirky, surprising and unique moi. I’ve learnt not to let anyone take advantage of me and to assert myself. Make no mistake though, I still slip up from time to time but I’m learning and improving every day. I'm equipped, empowered and anointed - that may seem a bit clichéd but each day, God makes sure that my self confidence gets a tremendous fillip.

Looking back, I’m glad puberty was so turbulent for me as it opened me up to the fact that people will always see me as I see myself, it made me realize I’d always need to be my favorite and no.1 fan and it taught me what to do when my sisters get to that phase of their lives, too.

Indeed, puberty served its God-given purpose, for it made this girl a woman.

IS THE GRASS ALWAYS GREENER AT THE OTHER SIDE?

Once, I was on my way back home, when a lady, whose face I could barely see in the dark walked up to me, seeking direction to a garden in my vicinity. Since the said garden was a stone throw from my abode, I suggested she tagged along so I’d show her to the garden.

As we walked the slightly steep road that leads to our direction, she told me the purpose of her visit to the garden at that somewhat late hour.

“It’s one of these old men that’s asked me to meet him there”.

“Ok”, I said and she continued.

“I came to Abuja seeking a job but there’s no way I can survive with a 40k pay here”.

“But some people are paid half or less of that amount and though it’s hard, they manage anyway”

“Forget that thing, they definitely have other means of income or maybe they have a free means to move around – to and fro their work places. Only today, I’ve spent more than 1k on transportation alone and I’ve only had a bottle of malt to drink”

“Well, thank God you’ve got a job already and I think forty thousand naira is fair for now. At least, it’s 40k more than the nothing you were earning before, pending when there are openings with better pay”

“And please, I haven’t been in town for too long, how do I get to the old parade ground from here?”

At this point, I realized she didn’t care much where our conversation was leading to and so I paused a while before giving her a description as to how to reach the old parade ground, after which I asked if she was going there that night as well and she said: “yes”.

Now, my imaginations were beginning to run wide and I told her the garden to which she was headed was not exactly at proximity to the old parade ground and that it might be difficult to get there after she has seen the old man at the garden.

“Shei I can take a taxi there, no wahala”

“Can’t it wait till tomorrow?”

“Ah! No o. My sister, I need money and money can’t wait”

“So, you’re going to get money from there?”

“Ehn. One of my colleagues hooked me up with a soldier and he asked me to meet him there”

“I see” I said.

There was an awkward silence thereafter. “What do you do”, she asked.

“I’m a corps member”

“You’re a corper and you’re just coming back from work?”

“Yeah”

“Hmm, where do you work sef? I meet corpers when I go out like this and have some of them as friends. They understand when I say 40k is nothing but you don’t seem to”

We had now reached the garden and I was glad to end the conversation but sad I had said nothing to make her rethink her actions.

Now less than three minutes away from home, I thought of the many who have come to the Federal Capital Territory in search of greener pastures and have found it almost impossible to make ends meet. I couldn’t help but count my blessings and thank God for them.

Then again, it’s saddening to think what fellow ladies do and become in the quest for money. All the more disheartening is the fact that it isn’t always a case of the inability to make ends meet but more to the point – an unhealthy desire to meet and live up to the so-called standard of the FCT.

If we would only realise that the grass is not always greener on the other side and understand that we do not have to throw away morals and go against our beliefs to get to the greener side...

A CREATION FOR CELEBRATION

You were created

To be celebrated

Even where you have been rejected

Because Christ was also rejected

So you could be liberated

And he resurrected

That you would be elevated,

Your oppressors shall be frustrated

For your blessings to be unlimited

And all your enemies shall be investigated

And declared wanted

Until god’s judgment is executed,

You have been shortlisted

For breakthrough unlimited

Irrespective of how you started,

You shall be lifted

Because your life can never be wasted

And because no one is permitted

To touch god’s anointed,

Angels have been mandated

To make your life secured and protected

All because you were created

To be celebrated.

SPINSTERS

When one hears an ex-boyfriend or some guy who was smitten with one is married or getting married, one wonders; “could that have been me?”, ”did I miss a golden opportunity?”, ”could he have been the one that made my dreams come true?” - especially in a society where single women find themselves under pressure to get hitched, should one marry the first man to come along or the man who’s ready when one is not? I’m a firm believer of the school of thought “marry in haste, repent in leisure”.

Often, a girl’s first love is practically a dream come true and she’d feel he’s the one and only love of her life. He’d probably do all the right things, sweep her off her feet and shower her with affection never before experienced. What could she do but fall in love? After a while, she’d realize he’s not her idea of who and what she’d like for a husband – but should she have any regrets? No!

Next would most likely be so possessive, he’d already start tracking her every movement before ever they even start dating. Let’s just say most girls won’t even go there… She sees him from time to time and he still seems to be in the same place in life as he was when she first met him. Did she miss an opportunity? He’d always try to make her feel as though she had missed out by not dating him. She, on the other hand, having a feeling that, had she dated him, she’d still be stuck in the past, not having achieved much, with all her dreams dissipated and all the sparkle gone from her life.

Then, she’d have to deal with Mr. Infatuated, letting go of him for reasons of faith. He may probably become willing to take his faith more seriously and even mention marriage before she realizes it’s all just a façade.

There’d be a few others who’d jump through hoops for her and be interested in a relationship for real. However, for one reason or the other, she’d have to say no. Some will go on and marry someone else. Others, she’d have the foggiest idea where they are and as for her, she’s still single (not because she thought she was too good for these men – some were too good for her!).

So, should she have said yes? Maybe she’d have had a baby or more in tow by now… Who knows?! This could just be the way it should be…

Ladies, have no regrets. God orders the steps of the righteous and if God hasn't made it happen for you now, it most certainly wasn't meant to be with those men. Some may tend to categorize you as “too choosy” and you probably are and should be! Marriage is a lifetime decision, you need to choose right! You want a marriage that works, desire to marry the right person for you, don’t want to look back with regrets? Then, you shouldn't mind waiting for God’s best. You don't settle - for good - good is not good enough, best does it.

We live in a world where there’s a lot of emphasis on being married, particularly once you reach a certain age. If, by that age, you’re not married, people start asking you a thousand  and one questions, giving you lectures and dispensing unsolicited advice. You meet people who ceaselessly address you as Mrs.... and that gets you thinking "Mrs. God-knows-who... hmmm... Have I already met him? Is he one of the male friends I have around me or is he in my immediate future?

Apart from societal pressure, I believe that as humans, we sometimes desire to be in that “special” and committed” relationship but does that mean we should compromise beliefs and abandon dreams that we hold very dear to our hearts? I think you've come too far to settle for that.