SOUVENIRS OF PUBERTY

I will never forget the utter mortification I felt when I resumed school that term. “Oyiwodu, is this you?” Adama practically screamed at me. “What am I seeing? My benchy has grown up!” And then worst of all, her arms reached out to touch my chest. “Oh, what is this? So you now have breasts eh, Oyiwodu? Wonders shall never end.” She went on and on prodding my chest; while I stood there wishing the ground would open up and swallow me.

Although that incident amuses me now, it’s just one of the traumatic experiences I had during puberty. Suddenly, my body didn’t seem to be mine anymore, it kept doing things I didn’t ask it to do! Can you imagine? I was even embarrassed by people I knew even though they seemed fascinated by these physical changes. I seemed to be on a never-ending emotional roller coaster and was unbearably sensitive about everything. I no longer felt completely comfortable around anyone; I graduated from a self-conscious introvert to an unusual deepened shyness all because I now had strange things growing on my chest, and did you see me?

Ouch, and the boobs! How I disliked how they felt, really painful sometimes! How I detested the creepy way some males looked at them! How I wished they would disappear into thin air overnight just as they had sprouted up! I even stubbornly refused to wear the training bra senior Iember bought for me, hoping that my denial would somehow make them go away but they didn’t, they just kept growing! How annoying it felt when I discovered the boobs were just the beginning. Suddenly, my face was covered with huge pimples, the menstrual period started and even more disconcerting were those mood swings, throwing me from mountain peak to ocean floor on a regular basis. And since I had always been a shy and sensitive child, I became painfully introverted especially with people who appeared more confident (talk about a complex and that would be me).

Sensing my insecurity, some mocked and made jest of me, they took advantage of my naïveté to make them have something to laugh about. I developed unhealthy thinking and worrying habits and my rebellious personality was slowly being crushed. My grand mum, overwhelmed by the changes she saw in me tried to encourage me, telling me that I should always hold my head high because I was “blessed with beauty, intelligence and maturity” – I wasn’t so sure about the first and last adjectives so, I still felt depressed.

I don’t really remember how my epiphany came about, maybe my grandmother’s words sank deeper than I realized, maybe my spirit was much stronger than I knew, maybe the companies I was able to form or break reinforced my sense of self-worth or maybe I simply matured to match my maturing body. LOL! Perhaps, it was a combination of all of the above but I personally think God was looking out for me, motherless as I was and somehow I began to love myself again, to feel good about my “accomplishments”, to respect the fact that despite all the changes, the core of me remained and nothing will ever take that away. Now, some years after those odd changes, I still have crazy mood swings sometimes but I don’t let them overwhelm me. I’ve even learnt to laugh at them and I now revel in the delights of well-fitting bras that give me the support I need to feel free – though I’m still learning to get me the right bra. No longer self-conscious, I even rejoice in being plus-sized once in a while.

I’m still sensitive and shy but that’s just part of the quirky, surprising and unique moi. I’ve learnt not to let anyone take advantage of me and to assert myself. Make no mistake though, I still slip up from time to time but I’m learning and improving every day. I'm equipped, empowered and anointed - that may seem a bit clichéd but each day, God makes sure that my self confidence gets a tremendous fillip.

Looking back, I’m glad puberty was so turbulent for me as it opened me up to the fact that people will always see me as I see myself, it made me realize I’d always need to be my favorite and no.1 fan and it taught me what to do when my sisters get to that phase of their lives, too.

Indeed, puberty served its God-given purpose, for it made this girl a woman.