First,
breathe. I know it sounds dumb, childish even - but just breathe. Whenever you
remember him/her, remember also to breathe. The pain is like a constant throb,
right? It’s there even when you allow yourself to forget it. So should your
breath too. It’s what will keep you going even when the pain of his/her memory
makes you want to die. You have to keep going ‘cos you can.
Do
not be afraid. The state of your life, the health of your mind and the
condition of your heart are all in a flux. Change is scary, yes. Do not be
afraid of being afraid. Do not be afraid of your emotions. Do not be afraid of
the words that slip off of your tongue faster than you can censor your brain.
Do not be afraid of yourself. Not knowing what to do is a part of the processes
when you’re recovering from heartbreak. Do not be afraid of feeling lost. You
will find your way when you are ready to.
Next,
accept reality. The hardest part of moving on is letting go, and almost as
difficult is accepting that you have to. You can only do this when you have
stopped being afraid. You must accept that that chapter of your life has ended;
you must accept that it is okay to not want it to end, but you must also accept
that it has ended regardless of your wishes. You must accept also that some
things are bigger than we are and just because they are real doesn’t mean
they’re fair. You must also accept that as this chapter ends, a new one begins.
It may be better than the last one or it may be worse. Life gives no guarantees
that it will be either, just that it will be. You must accept that this is the
case, and it will cease to matter how the comparison stacks up.
Let
it go. His/her smile is not contained in the lips of every guy/girl you see. Her
laugh is not a force of nature, and her voice is not carried in the wind. S/he
is neither there nor everywhere, and you must acknowledge this to let him/her
go. If s/he is everywhere you look, it is only because you force yourself to
see him/her there. S/he is not there. Instead, other people are. Other people
are waiting for you to smile back. Nature is waiting for you to recognize
his/her beauty as her own, not as that of one
who broke your heart. The wind is waiting to guide you home with warm
whispers all its own. When you embrace that s/he is no longer your whole world,
the world itself will become much easier to cope with. It isn’t all bad.
Remember that.
Rest
assured that you are okay. Every day that you live to survive with a broken
heart is a miracle and strength can be drawn even from your brokenness. It is
with that strength that you must embrace the fact that you are okay, you have
been from the moment your heart broke because it kept beating, you kept
breathing and you’re still here. You are already okay. It may not feel like it,
and that is completely reasonable. It is okay to feel broken. You have that
right, because you are broken - but you are not beyond repair, and that makes
all the difference. The repair comes when you begin to feel okay, when you
realize that you were okay all along. You are going to be just fine, even if
you don’t know it yet.
We
are our failures and our triumphs, our weaknesses and our strengths. We are our
passions and we are the things we hate. We are broken and we are magnificent.
We are our bruised-but-beating hearts that we wear on our sleeves. We are more
than the sum of our parts.
Do
not let heartbreak define you. This will not be the end of you. How do you get
over someone who broke your heart? You just do. And you will. And you will be
more than okay. You will be wonderful plus, you gotta bloom.
P.S.
- I tell you, when people walk away,
fall in love with the tips of their hair waving goodbye, and you might not be
so crushed by their leaving. And if you are crushed, remember that the world is
filled with everything and nothing, that there is so much empty space in all of
your atoms. Remember that there is air in the sky, and a hole in the ozone
layer, and remember the clouds that move in peculiar ways across the sky -
they’re always changing. Remember the joy in breathing and remember the calm in
walking up the road on a Saturday morning. Remember rolling downs the windows
and throwing words down the highway like so many breadcrumbs. Remember all the
times you got to be the one leaving, and accept that sometimes you just have to
be the one who is left behind. This is as much a reminder to yourself as much
as anything - you are allowed to love anyone, everything. You are allowed to
love not a single thing in the world. You are allowed to change your mind. It
is nothing to be scared or ashamed of, it merely is. The world will still be
here whether you love it or hate it, whether you live or die. It goes on, and
it does not care. There may be a day when no one loves you, but it’s not today,
I promise.
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